The Belles of St Trinian's (1954)
The story
Miss Fritton (Alastair Sim- brilliant), the headmistress of St Trinian's, a school for notoriously badly behaved young ladies, gambles on winning enough money on the horses to get the school out of debt. Her shady brother (Sim in a dual part) thinks he can help.
Seen it before?A Saturday afternoon staple from Triple P's childhood, although we probably haven't actually seen it since the mid-seventies.
Any good?
Yes, but probably more from enjoying some classic British character actors (Sim, Grenfell, Baddely, Cole, Wattis, Handl, Reid) effortlessly being put through their paces than any real laugh out loud comedy (although any parts with Sim in are usually good). Oh, and did we mention a lot of rather mature girls in short gymslips wearing stockings?
Notable for...
Sim's wonderful double role as brother and sister. Joyce Grenfell defining the jolly hockey sticks school teacher. Classical composer Malcolm Arnold's jaunty incidental music.
Belinda Lee: ripe for a spot of detention. Actually, just ripe...
Any good girlies?
Not quite as totty heavy as some of the later sequels but we must mention the splendid Belinda Lee as one of the naughty sixth formers. Lee was nineteen when the film was made but sadly died in a car crash in California just six years later.
The Scorpion King (2002)
Got mine in Canada, eh?
The story
The man who would become the Scorpion King, villain of The Mummy Returns (2001), seeks revenge against an evil king who is using power gained from a sorceress to conquer the world.
Seen it before?
Yes, definitely with Agent DVD, but probably not at the cinema.
Any good?
For sub-Conan sword and sorcery it's actually quite fun and wrestler Dwayne Johnson performs pretty well. Reasonably competent effects, a feisty heroine, nice art direction and a harem scene! What more could you want from this genre?
Notable for...
A quite horrible, but bizarrely popular rock score. Being a spin-off prequel to a sequel of a re-make.
Wizard outfit
Any good girlies?
The luscious Kelly Hu is more than adequate as the sorceress, in every possible way. She wears some entertaining little outfits as well. Some harem girls too!
Evolution (2001)
The story
Two college professors, a trainee fireman and a lady government scientist try to contain an outbreak of creatures evolving from organisms brought to earth on a meteorite.
Seen it before?
We think we have seen half of it before but we gave up on it.
Any good?
It was OK as comedy alien invasion films go. Directed by Ivan Reitman it couldn't replicate the success of his earlier Ghostbusters (1986) and the film only made back less than half its budget. David (X Files) Duchovny was rather good.
Notable for...
Some quite good creatures and a weird product placement for Head and Shoulders shampoo.
Any good girlies?
Although we like a redhead we thought that Julianne Moore lacked any sort of sex appeal whatsoever. Sigourney Weaver she is not.
Emanuelle Nera (1975)
The story
Photographer Emanuelle (only one "m" to avoid possible legal problems fom the makers of the original films) travels to Africa to take pictures and ends up having sex with a lot of badly dubbed people.
No, it was a present from Triple P's German friend B who sent it to us a week or so ago.
Any good?
An odd one, this. This was the first in a whole series of films starring Gemser as "black" Emanuelle. Although she is quite obviously Asian everyone discusses her as if she had black African heritage. Strange! The location shooting is excellent but the English dubbing is terrible especially when very Italian looking actors are dubbed with very British voices. Most of the sex scenes are unsatisfactory as well with hardly any convincingly enacted passion. Karin Schubert's eye rolling perfomance in the petrol station being particularly dreadful. Gemser admitted she found scenes with girls really difficult and it shows. She is better when she has to engage in fake masturbating (as she does quite a bit). Additional hardcore inserts which had to be included for certain markets (like Germany) are so obviously shot using different actors (finding a double for a body as exceptional as Gemser's was always going to be a challenge) that they destroy any eroticism a scene might have had. Gemser is also rubbish at using a camera and makes a totally unconvincing photographer. Makes the original Emmanuelle films look like masterpieces.
Dressed or undressed Gemser always looks stunning
Notable for...
Being shot on location in Kenya. Turning Indonesian model Laura Gemser in to a softcore superstar (she had appeared briefly as a masseuse in the original Emmanuelle 2). Some hilarious phallic symbolism involving a petrol pump nozzle whilst one of the characters (played by Swedish actress Karin Schubert) bangs the African petrol station attendant and some steam engine pistons when Emanuelle takes on an entire hockey team on a train.
Gemser doesn't ask Schubert for the name of her hairdresser
Any good girlies?
Karin Schubert is handicapped by having a really unsexy haircut. Isabelle Marchall's (on the DVD cover with Gemser) scene with Gemser seems cut short just when it was looking interesting. It's all about Gemser really who is naked for pretty much most of the film. She looks absolutely amazing and, as an added bonus, has a lovely smile.
Another selection next week!