Sunday, July 11, 2010

Kelly Brook for Total Film

Kelly as Carrie Fisher in The Return of the Jedi

Kelly Brook's agent is a busy person at present. Indeed the visitors of the Daily Mail website are getting increasingly annoyed with the continual coverage given to this "talentless person" (as, no doubt, ugly women with small busts seem keen on calling her).
Now we have an article about a pictorial for Total Film where she poses for pictures which are supposed to (very loosely) evoke Hollywood icons.

Kelly as Brigitte Bardot

Total Film is the film magazine for people who think Michael Bay is a gifted director, Megan Fox is the finest living actress and Arnold Schwarzenegger is the greatest actor there has ever been. For them, sub-titles are the credits for U571 or K19: The Widowmaker. Top feature on their website at the moment is 50 most Awesome Movie Fights... EVER! Agent Triple P really hates it when British people speak like Americans. It's even worse when they write like Americans speak. This, however, seems to be the house style for Future publishing. Perhaps, as they are based in Bath they feel that they are close enough to America to say "movies" instead of "films".

Kelly as Raquel Welch in One Million Years BC

Anyway we should forgive them for commissioning some pictures of Kelly Brook and then curse them for employing a photographer who seems to put all his lighting behind the subject; creating pictures that look like old oil paintings with too much blackened varnish on them.

Kelly as Sophia Loren

We have to say that none of the pictures really work and while she has a good go at the Raquel pose the picture is hopelessly framed and, of course, she doesn't have the legs that Raquel had which would have enabled the full body pose to be used (which is what makes the original picture). The weird blue lighting doesn't help either. It would have been much more clever to try to match the look and lighting of the recreations with the originals. The only picture where she looks better than the original is the Princess Leia effort.

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