Agent Triple P was concerned to discover that Official National Icon (TM) Cheryl Cole/Tweedy is suffering from Malaria; picked up on a recent trip to Tanzania with the man who really isn't her new boyfriend, honest. Up until now she appeared to be suffering from that celebrity malaise "exhaustion" (or trying to stay so thin by not consuming anything except coffee and cigarettes that you pass out when doing a particularly dull job you'd rather not be doing - like the X-Factor auditions). Apparently, poor Cheryl has "not been feeling herself" for two weeks. Agent Triple P's imagination runs wild, at this point...
The deadly tsetseThe papers are trying to hype it up by calling it the "deadly disease, malaria" (TM) but we are sure she will feel much better after missing some more X-Factor auditions. Fortunately, another of The Adventures of Triple P's favourite pointless babes, Nicole Scherzinger, is there to step into the breech.
Out the pool Nicole, you can head off your inevitable fall from celebrity for another week!Agent Triple P hopes that you're happily feeling yourself again soon, Cheryl.